I spent a time in life where I had locked in syndrome where I could hear everything and everyone but I was totally unable to move or respond. The medics thought I was brain dead and unresponsive, I can remember hearing all these conversations and feeling absolutely terrified. Eventually someone saw a flicker of movement in me and I finally realised there was a link with the outside world again, I have been left with severe and complex medical problems and disabilities. But for a while I have been wanting to put into words how I felt when I was locked in, it was one of my scariest times of my life and at times it all comes back to me.

Over the time of shielding and the pandemic the word lockdown has been used so much and it just kept reminding me of the words "locked in".... which is something totally different. But I just felt I had to get this out of my head, so I wrote a poem. I love nature and could use that imagery to help me express it.

Trees can hear you             

Like a tree during the winter, no life that we can see
All alone and silent, all its leaves have floated free
The tree can’t hear you talking, and cannot speak your words
It cannot reach its arms to you, it saves that for the birds

And yet the tree stands solid, its routed to the ground,
Its heart still beats within it, if you listen for that sound
The tree can't feel you touch it, it cannot show its pain
But maybe that's not quite so true... maybe look again...

The tree looks like its dying, sick and ill and bare
But please lean in more closely, spend the time to show you care
Did you see a tiny flicker, in the branches on your right?
Did you hear a creak of breath? It’s forcing with its might?

I've been inside that tree there that is routed to the spot
Life had been and left me but brought me back with that huge shock
A body with no movement, no single signs of hope
Eyes tight shut and motionless "come on now, you can cope"

"Please can someone hear me", I'm screaming so so loud
But nothing can be heard right now, no movement can be found
"There’s no response, she's brain dead" is what I heard today
"I'm not IM NOT, I'm really here"... alive in every way

My eyes are open widely, and staring back at you
And yet I hear you say they’re shut, what more then can I do?
"Squeeze my hand now tightly, hold it if you can"
"No there’s nothing there today"... but I am I am I Am

Can’t you feel it gripping, I'm holding it quite tight?
I force the machine to breathe now like the tree with all my might
Surely you can hear me, I'm shouting loud to all
I've heard your names, I know you well, listen to me call

I'm trapped inside this tree trunk, thick wood surrounds my core
Encased so tightly like a tomb, no windows and no door
This tree can hear you clearly, its depending on your eyes
To notice any signs of life in a body that just lays

I trust there will be someone who maybe finds the key
To unlock this heavy trunk that's gripping hold of me
I trust the tree's heart keeps me, with the beeping I can hear
The beeps speed up with so much hope each time someone comes near

"Did I just see a movement" I hear someone exclaim
"You did you did you did", I’m screaming out your name
So after weeks of waiting just maybe spring will burst,
The tree will help unlock me, spring blossom will come first

"I think there’s life inside her”, I think there is a key
"I think there are responses that all of us can see"
"Can you hear me sweetheart, don’t panic if you can"
"We are here to help you," said the voice of my rescue man

But now I start to think back how I was locked in by the bark
Always night always scared and always very dark
But did the tree trunk save me, safely tucked away
Protected me while I healed, to restart my life one day

Now when I see a tree trunk I'll think of its great power
how it lives through such hard times surviving every hour

A tree can really hear you, it really knows you’re there

A tree can help to shelter you and be a source of care

I've been through life’s dark moment when I was so so still
The tree it still protects me, and it always will
A tree can feel you touch it, it can show its pain
We need to keep our hopes and trust and maybe look again...